Monday, February 4, 2008

wife/girlfriend/best friend with benefits rake

Hello WNP and SLP geeks,
Oops, I mean studs. It's mb here. For some reason I can't post on my own account and I have a very pressing question for all of you. Please post your thoughts on what you believe the appropriate rake for those who are "on-line widows" should be. Joe, you are required to consult with Steph regarding this issue. In fact, all of you should be inquiring. Here is my take on it:

1. Time spent on the computer is similar to what a casino or on-line site would charge for the privilege of playing. Because we allow you to take very precious time away from face-to-face time, we should be compensated for this.
2. The standard rake is 10% but I think that more than 10% is appropriate given the fact that the "average" joe (oops, I mean just guy) is way less interesting and thus worth less than you brilliant and oh so engaging gentlemen. Time that is "taken" from us should be duly compensated.
3. This is a win-win situation. You guys win money... the sig. others win money. I mean, what is there to actually think about?
4. For those of you who are not legally committed (dating or engaging in benefits), I think that 10-20% is sufficient. However, for those who have more at stake (wives, children (current or soon to be) and/or pets I believe that 25% is adequate.

Thoughts? Please feel free to share...


Sushi Cowboy said...

Multiple choice:

A) Significant Other rake should be based on time, not dollars. If someone is playing microstakes and has taken 20 hours to make $10, do you really want to get a percentage of that action? Instead if you base the rake on hours then you can make ratios such as 10 hours online = dinner out. 40 hours online = dinner and a show. Or bank up enough hours for a weekend getaway, etc. And what happens when the he runs into a downturn? Plays for a month and loses 50% of his bankroll? Then what?

B) SO rake can be taken out as time or money. So in the event that a new Prada handbag is more appealing than an evening out with what's-his-face, you can just cash out some time instead.

C) Base the SO rake on the rakeback. It would not be practical to keep track of all intermediate winnings over a period of time, just the net. It is possible for someone to play for 10 hours a day all month and end up with the exact amount of money.

D) If too much online poker is a problem then limit the amount of time that can be spent playing. Just the same as though he were spending too much time playing golf or whatever.

E) Jason, get your woman under control and show her who wears the pants in the family.

Steph said...


I actually don't require that Joe give me any percentage of his rakeback, time spent online, or winnings. I would just like him to admit publically that even though he is a better poker player than I am, I am a far superior Scrabble player.

Thank you.

jason said...

Personally, if I was not on line I would be doing other degenerate activities and spending money so I am not a fan of the wife rake.

And I never cleaned my room before poker so nothing has changed.

As for Steph, maybe a scrabble challenge is in order, I actually used to be good.

Steph said...

Bring it!

Ryan said...

I will try to respond with a longer post later, but in brief: time management in a relationship is simply a per-couple thing that has to be worked out. Personally, Margaret gives me the room to play WNP, knowing that on any given week for any given circumstance, I will bail on poker for more high-priority family needs. As for online play, I pretty much only play after everyone else is in bed, so it is never a sticking point between Margaret and I. (Although my tendency to stay up late and sacrifice sleep in my life-balancing act can be.)

I track all of my poker buyins and cashouts, and that information is fully exposed to Margaret. I also use poker winnings to pay some family entertainment expenses, and Margaret and I are going on vacation in April that is partially funded by poker winnings. That kind of "family rake" on my poker winnings doesn't hurt the situation, but really, it would be much the same if I were either a losing player or my hobby had no potential to generate income. In the end, no amount of "relationship rake" will replace face time. It all comes down to life balance, and finding a mutually-agreeable balance is something each couple needs to work out for themselves.

mb said...


Spot on. Your comments hit the heart of the matter. I do have a tendency to go 100 percent in one direction whether it is poker, scrabble or any other hobby. Life balance is what is all about.

The one downside of my recent successful run is that running up almost $500 in rakeback takes quite a bit of on line play time. Then I set goals like "Can I really get to $10,000" and then play some more.

Family rake is likely where my winnings will go, if I can continue to win. Unless I really decide to write and fund a poker book, then I can start a new obsession.

mb said...

You are completely right about achieving balance. It seems that you're able to do that. I did open the discussion somewhat "jokingly" but it is something that should be taken seriously. Depriving your s/o of your company and role in a partnership is not to be taken lightly. You're right on the money when you say that each couple must decide for themselves what works.

That being said... SCRABBLE TOURNEY at our house! You name the date and time, we'd be delighted to host. Bring wives/s.o. and children as we do have a built in babysitter.


ps Martin... intriguing idea about time and not money being the rake. However, your credibility was seriously reduced with point "E"... pants in the family?! I think that the real question is who has the best shoes in the family and that of course, is undeniably, ME!

mb said...

Sorry all, my technologically challenged husband posted his comment as me, but it is not. The first "mb" is really jason...

Ryan said...

MB and Jason, I'll be sending you a bill. If you have some sticker shock, ask yourself, "Is any price truly too high for saving this marriage?" Besides, Jason is super flush on Cake, you'll barely feel it.

I may be aware that balance is the key, but I hardly feel like I've achieved it. "Hmm, I could wash the dishes, create a much-needed family budget, start my taxes, deal with this mess in the basement, pay some bills, write a letter to my grandfather, call an old friend, or take meticulous notes on a session of microstakes online poker while I progress a bit on Mass Effect. Yeah, that last one sounds good. I'll do those other ones tomorrow, and I'm sure Clara and Ollie will get full scholarships to college, so no real worry there..."

You know, many/most WNPer significant others are gamers if not poker players...we could start combining poker night with game night...a table of degenerates shoving chips around next to a table of degenerates shoving Scrabble tiles around (or playing Rock Band or Halo or Scene It or whatever). That could contribute to the balancing act; hanging out together in the same room, doing different things but still having fun and relaxing with friends is more couple-like than parting ways for the evening...

Oh, and MB, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that the first thing we do when we see that "MB" has posted a comment is to establish whether it is in fact MB posting or Jason failling to click the "log out" button. It runs about 50/50, really.